


take me back

by silvergalax



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Angst, M/M, Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-17
Updated: 2018-02-17
Packaged: 2019-03-20 09:50:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,613
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13715157
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/silvergalax/pseuds/silvergalax
Summary: Junhui has so much to give, but Wonwoo cannot afford to be selfish anymore.





	take me back

**Author's Note:**

> there's an on-going gyuhao fic fest so if you are interested to be a prompter or writer, just visit their account [here](https://twitter.com/gyuhaonet) ! there's also a giveaway where your desired prompt gets written (☞ ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)☞

The salty sea breeze was a welcoming change in Wonwoo’s environment. During world tours, he would usually stay inside their hotel room and play whatever games he brought along. Unfortunately, his DS’ battery gave up for some reason and the Wi-Fi in their area was awfully bad. He would have to wait until they get back to Korea to get a new set of batteries. He thinks of reading his books but maybe resting his eyes for a bit while looking at the beautiful horizon is a better option for now.  
A member stands by him, proximity just enough to remind him of his presence.  
“It’s beautiful here, isn’t it?”  
Junhui’s pink hair dances along with the strong winds. The skies have been really dull as if it’s alluding heavy rain showers.  
Wen Junhui is a different scenery though. He’s that comforting warmth during cold days and buzzing chills during bright sunny skies. He’s the hot and cold who is always welcome to break Wonwoo’s mundane days.  
“It’s quiet and the Wi-Fi’s bad, but I like it.”, Junhui giggles at the younger’s confession of his priorities.  
“How could you even think of the wifi when there’s this?”, his arms spread to show off the waves kissing the shores, “Right in front of you?”  
Wonwoo turns to Junhui and he sees the usual childish smile on the older’s face whenever he enjoys something. Which might as well be everything. Somehow, in some way, the dancer always finds a way to smile. And Wonwoo finds that endearing. He looks at Jun’s eyes which were set on the large waves slowly approaching higher lands.  
His heartbeat has always felt different when Junhui looks at him, whenever he’s around him.  
Just like the threatening downpour, his feelings were also on the verge of bursting.  
The waves sound louder now, his heart beating louder and faster too as he stares at Junhui.  
Wonwoo blinks himself out of his reverie.

Wrong.

He does not know what he feels but he knows that it’s wrong. Any hint of affection could make him drown in this thing Junhui has set-up for him. Wonwoo’s lip twitches in confusion, head hanging down while looking at their bare feet sculpting the sands beneath them.  
It’s wrong, isn’t it?  
To find something beautiful in places where he shouldn’t be? In people he couldn’t be with?  
Wonwoo knows it’s not going to last long anyway, so he’ll act early and forget his crazy delusions.  
It’s not real.  
They’re not real.  
The feelings are not there.  
It’s just Wonwoo. It’s just Junhui.  
Nothing more, nothing less.

Junhui adjusts his thick jacket to his liking, feeling the hot packs start to warm up his sides. He pulls out one to warm his fingers. The boy has not left the dorm, yet he can already feel the inevitable cold temperature outside. Well, he has no choice, he’s going to warm up better to where he’s going anyway. Some of the members were out practicing, others went home to visit their respective families. Mingyu and Minghao were still in their room doing god knows what. It seems like the two already has a plan for the day.  
Christmas day— that is.  
Only Jeonghan, Jihoon, and Wonwoo were left in the dorm.  
Knowing Jeonghan, he might just sleep through the whole afternoon and leave for their house later. It was just a ride away anyway, and knowing Jihoon, he might let himself be dragged by his favorite member which is of course, Jeonghan.

“Do you want to come along with me?”, Junhui peeks inside their room, looking around and checking if he missed bringing something.  
The younger looks up from his laptop, glasses haphazardly hanging on his face as he hunches his back lower and leaning closer towards the screen. “I can’t, we have a campaign mission in five minutes.”  
Right, Wonwoo was busy playing. On Christmas Day.  
“Do you want me to wait for you to finish your game?”  
“Oh no, go ahead. I would probably always ask for a rematch.”, it seems like a notification caught his attention and so he immediately turned back to the laptop screen. Wonwoo quickly fixes his headphones and speaks through the microphone to check on his team.  
Junhui sighs knowing that it would be no use to talk to him further since the game already started.  
He fits his shoes and readies himself for his trek outside.

Snow falls softly from the darling skies and he wishes that he was not alone during that one Christmas day. For the past years, he always had someone to celebrate it with. A few years ago, it was with Mingming when they promised that they would just talk to each other in their native language for the whole day, so they could at least relieve the feeling of homesickness in their hearts. Around two years or so ago, he got the chance to finally go home and spend the holidays with his family. Last year, it was with Minghao and Joshua when they were too buzzed with activities and rehearsals that they could not even afford to go home. This year though, Joshua got invited by his uncle while Junhui preferred not to drag Minghao anywhere because he just might worsen the younger’s back injury. He’d rather leave him with Mingyu who will take him to his warm family’s home.  
It was a first for Wen Junhui, but it was just like another day. Just more snow. Just more hopeful smiles from people around him. More gifts. More well wishes. He thinks he wants more of those.  
At that exact time, his phone buzzes.  
The company’s CEO mass sent a message to all of his staff and talents. Jun appreciates the gesture and sends the CEO his own greetings.  
Merry Christmas to me.

 

If SEVENTEEN has a designated mother, it would be Wen Junhui— Chwe Hansol thinks. The rapper eyes as the older runs around to pass food and water bottles that they had ordered from the nearby convenience store. Junhui always volunteers to come along because, “I couldn’t really decide what snack to eat until I finally see it.”. Usually, one or two members would tag along with him. This time, it was Joshua and Chan.  
The three members gathered in the middle to pour out all of the snacks they gathered. Junhui has a separate plastic bag of his own, full of jellies and chips. The older is not selfish with his food though.  
Wen Junhui has always been a touchy person. He loves initiating hugs and kisses only of course when they’re playing around but sometimes he would do it to show them that he really cares. For times like this, for example, where all of them are casually lounging around to calm down the burn in their muscles and pain in their stretched nerves, Junhui prefers to just lean on someone. Which so happens to be Wonwoo.  
The older has his head comfortably slotted on the rapper’s shoulder as he looks through the stuff he just bought, double-checking if one of the snacks got misplaced when they gave away all the ones they just bought.  
Wonwoo on the other hand, was busy scrolling through his phone. He puts up an arm to sling over the older’s wide shoulder and cards his fingers through the sweat-soaked hair. Despite having been dyed and bleached for a lot of times, Hansol knows that just by looking, Junhui was able to maintain the nice texture of his hair. Junhui looked a lot like a satisfied kitten as he leans closer to the rapper who was now scratching his scalp, attention still on his phone.

“Do you think he would ever stop doing that?”, Seungkwan whispers into his ears as they both eye Junhui offer Wonwoo his bag of cheesy potato chips. “That- Junhui thing.”, his hands fly in the air in an attempt to try to make sense of The Junhui thing.  
And he gets it. Hansol completely understands what Seungkwan meant when Wonwoo hesitantly dipped his hand inside Junhui’s bag of chips. Picking only one chip and biting on it meticulously like a sloth. Jun watches the fellow 96-liner with interest, maybe he can convince Wonwoo to make it his favorite too.

Maybe not.

Wonwoo simply nods when he finally finished the chip and stands up, Junhui jolts when his head slipped off on air all of a sudden. The rapper walks towards the 97 liners’ puppy pile to ask Mingyu something.  
“Is it just me or is he intentionally avoiding Jun?”, Hansol murmurs while examining the contents of his bottled drink, reading the promotional slogans. Live longer, love better.  
“I don’t want to get into anything here since I’m not sure too but I just noticed that whenever hyung tries to cling onto Wonwoo, it feels too…”, the older of the two trails off, contemplating for the right word.  
“Too what?”, Vernon pushes seeing as how their break is about to end. Just three more routines and they’re done for the night. That is if they get all of them with no mistakes.  
“One-sided.”  
The younger rapper watches as Junhui plays with his own bottle of lemon juice, flipping it amusingly. Clapping to himself when he gets the trick right.

 

Jihoon pays close attention to Jun as he sings the Performance Team’s new song. His vocals would be the highlight because of the surprising falsetto he will be hitting. He has to laud Soonyoung though, for letting Junhui do the honors of delivering the said line.  
“That’s enough for today, Junhui. You did great.”, Jihoon speaks through the microphone, beckoning Jun to come out of the closed studio.  
The older fixes his hair haphazardly after pulling off the headphones.  
“Are you done for the night?”, Junhui asks while looking at Soonyoung and Jihoon who were manning the editing monitors.  
His leader’s head shots up, “Uh… we already talked about staying the night, so we can finally finish this and get a day-off for the following week.”, Jun’s shoulder slumps, Soonyoung almost wanted to take his words back if only he was not buzzing with energy to hear the song their team composed and produced.  
“Why? Are you going for an oxbone soup again?”, Jihoon grins without looking up to the older. He clicks through the tracks they just recorded and copies them in a separate folder for better organization. Soonyoung almost hit the younger on the head for not noticing the change in Junhui’s lively aura.  
“No.”, the Performance Team’s leader blinks while waiting for Jun to continue yet the older simply turns his back to walk towards the door.  
Soonyoung cannot just let him leave upset after they’ve already used up all his energy for recording, “Hey Junhui? Where did you want to go?”  
The dancer turns back and scratches his nape, “No need, I guess I’ll just ask the managers to come with me.”  
“I just want to know where you wanted to go…”, his voice slowly fading out, “Maybe I can come with you next time?”  
Finally. Finally, he perks up.  
“There was that one park Chan told me and I want to see the lights.”, his lip twitches a bit, “If they are still there… not sure if they’re there but I want to see.”  
Soonyoung hums in understanding and nods his head at the information.  
“Oh? Why don’t you invite Wonwoo? Seungcheol-hyung said they just finished composing earlier, so the rest of the team might be off now.”, Jihoon shifts his attention towards the taller man who was swaying side by side.  
“I guess I’ll just text him… see if he would come with me.”, Jun turns with finality and the door slams shut.  
The Performance leader slumps on his soft seat, twirling it a bit.  
“Stop being so fussy.”  
“You did not even pay attention to him.”  
“To whom?”  
“Junhui.”, Jihoon turns to Soonyoung as he waits for the software to import the tracks. “I know he was pretty down, I badly want to come with him, but I know we have to finish this.”  
The vocal boss takes his tumbler and sips a bit of Coke, “Why, what’s wrong with Wonwoo?”  
“Eh…”, Soonyoung contemplates for a proper word to use. Anything. Because even during their dance rehearsals, he can see that there was something off with the younger rapper. He also knows that Junhui would choose not to talk about it because- well- he is Junhui. Wen Junhui the charismatic and gorgeous boy on stage who turns into a timid kitten who always craves for touch and warm soup after every performance. Out of them four, only Wonwoo and Junhui were the ones left with no leader tasks but that does not mean that they were doing nothing in their respective units.  
They were really close though. Were. But lately, Soonyoung feels like there was something off with how Wonwoo is acting towards Junhui. He cannot put a finger to it, but he sees that the younger is slowly trying to distance himself from the dancer. It was different from when Wonwoo had to put a bit of distance between him and Mingyu because behind the stage’s curtains, the team members still give each other a pat on the back for an excellent performance.  
“Out of anybody else, you should know Wonwoo better.”  
“But I’m a Gemini and Junhui’s my twin!”  
Jihoon turns in disbelief, “Fuck your zodiac sign, we all know you’re a loser when it comes to Wonwoo.” Soonyoung murmurs about how it’s not always that he loses even if they both know it’s real.

A few hours later when they had a small break, Soonyoung texted Wonwoo to check if he did come with Junhui.  
He didn’t, unfortunately.  
Since he already planned to go out with Jeonghan and Seokmin but they did pass by Junhui and their manager in a park while they were on their way home.

They called it a night.  
And when the Performance team’s leader finally felt the comfort of his soft bed, he noticed that on the other bunk, Junhui was curled up against Wonwoo’s body.  
Maybe he was just worried over nothing.

It’s one of those nights when Junhui has already eaten up all his hidden food that his stomach growls. It was nearing midnight, but he feels like he badly needs a taste of home at that moment. So, he pulls himself up and readies himself for a round of midnight cooking. Upon exiting the bedroom, he spots Wonwoo lounging on the long sofa while playing with one of his consoles. He knows that it would be hard to divert the younger’s attention while he’s in the middle of playing so he goes straight to the kitchen. He stirs up the usual friend rice, good thing their ingredients were still properly stocked up.  
While he was heating up the oil, Mingyu exasperatedly enters the kitchen, murmuring to himself about stupid friends who only knows him because he can cook. The younger exaggeratedly pulls out a cup of ramyeon and whips up a quick meal, not even sparing Junhui a glance because of his anger. The dancer pays it no mind and continues with cooking.  
When he was plating the meal, he realized that he pulled out two plates.  
Oh, he usually cooked for two.  
One for him and one for Wonwoo.  
He only cooked for Wonwoo only because he was the only one usually up whenever his stomach growls in hunger. He shrugs his shoulders and simply takes the second plate to the living room where he knows the younger was busily playing.  
Beside him was a still incensed Mingyu who has his focus on the television before him. The older opens his mouth as the younger scoops a serving to feed him.  
“Wonwoo?”  
“Hm?”, he responds through the noodles he was chewing.  
“Do you want some? I cooked again.”, Jun cheerily offers because he knows the younger never says-  
“Oh it’s okay, Mingyu here is already feeding me. Am I right, Gyu?”, Mingyu mumbles again about how ungrateful Wonwoo was, he could not even focus on the drama in the television because of his loud cheers and profanities.  
Jun stares dejectedly at the food on the other plate, he never wanted to waste food. It’s just that he forgot to measure the servings properly just because he got used to eating with someone.  
“Can I take that instead?”, Mingyu excitedly offers while hungrily eyeing the plate of steaming fried rice. “Please?”  
“Sure.”  
What used to, was just that. Something in the past.  
The steam wafts across the room, Wonwoo eyes the meal he used to eat being gobbled by one of his teammates.  
Junhui does not even cook for others?

Minghao drops right next to Jun after their final rehearsal. That was the last routine for the day and all of them already felt dead tired. Chan was leaning his head on the mirror while catching his breath, while Soonyoung instantly fell asleep as soon as his back met the cold, hard ground.  
“Jun.”  
Jun’s chest heaves a few more, this new song looks easier that Lilili Yabbay yet it required them to have more stamina. It was also the first thing he sang a lot of lines than the usual. He practiced a lot, so he can show how much he has improved through this song.  
“Yup?”, despite the tough dance, Junhui always manages to give Minghao a reassuring smile that tells him that he’s fine and they did great.  
“Before I pass out, I just want you to answer this question.”  
Their voices were not hushed, they were only thirsty and out of breath. Hyerim has left long ago and only their team were inside the dance practice room. The air conditioner’s low hum was the only distracting noise aside from Soonyoung’s soft snores. Chan, on the other hand, was busy scrolling through their Twitter for updates.  
“Shoot.”  
Minghao licks his lips before proceeding, “What’s the deal with you and Wonwoo?”  
A sudden pang shoots through Junhui’s system.  
You and Wonwoo.  
Me and Wonwoo.  
Junhui and Wonwoo.  
“Nothing.”  
The younger shakes his head in distaste, “It isn’t nothing. I know that. You know that.”  
“I swear it’s nothing, we’re just the same old friends. We still talk, don’t we?”  
Minghao tilts his head towards Jun, checking his face for any signs of lying. “Is that what you want, though?”  
“Minghao please-“  
“You only live once. At least get it out of your system you’ll never know-“  
“Minghao I can’t.”  
The younger holds back his breath, sees how distressed have been. More distressed than he has ever been for the past few years they have been together as members of the team.  
“You’re not like this, Jun.”, he takes in the disheveled sight of his older friend. Junhui’s hair is sticking in all places, his sweat starting to dry as it falls down his face.  
“I know, but Wonwoo’s the one setting the distance. I know I’m usually the pushier one but he’s obviously starting to get uncomfortable I-“, Junhui takes a deep breath.  
Closing his eyes, “I don’t want to lose Wonwoo, Hao.”, he takes a deep inhale, “If I have to keep myself a comfortable distance away so I won’t lose him, I’ll do it.”

The air conditioner’s hum sounds louder than ever.

 

Heavy tension surrounds the room after the company’s president revealed his offer.  
“Please think about it Junhui, I believe that Seungcheol could help you decide. We are definitely not pressuring you to do this, we could always opt for another person, but we think that you are the most fit person for this job.”, the CEO assures him, full of concern. The whole thing hasn’t sunk into Junhui’s system yet. He stares at the other pair across them, their managers standing behind. His legs jiggle in a more distressed manner, Seungcheol had to hold him down.  
“Do you want to talk about this somewhere?”, the leader asks as he puts a comforting hand over his leg.  
Junhui swallows all his nervousness and smiles, “Can we, please?”  
The team’s general leader asks to be excused from the meeting to which the president wholeheartedly grants, although they were still not dismissed. He calls for a break as he knows that the news he just broke was something too heavy for all parties to consider.

In the café right across their building, Junhui slumps on a seat and considers all of the possible consequences of his next biggest decision yet. It’s not like there’s a lot, is it?  
“Hey.”, Seungcheol takes a seat across him and serves him his own plate of pancakes. “You haven’t eaten yet, right?”  
The Chinese member nods his head slowly as he takes in the honey-topped stack of pancakes before him. Impossible. Even his appetite is gone. “Yeah, I haven’t but- I don’t think I can eat.”  
Seungcheol sighs, “I understand.”, he pulls himself back on the seat and watches the cars and passers-by through the glass windows. “To be really honest, I did not expect we’d have to do this, but I guess it makes sense to give them a helping hand.”, he sips his Americano before continuing, “They did say you have the option not to take it right? It seems like they just had to go to the nearest and most possible option first.”  
“You make it sound as if I’m not even a viable option.”, Jun’s lip bitterly quirks at the statement.  
“It’s not-“  
“I want to do it.”  
Lee Suhyun’s voice in the background echoes loudly in both of their ears.  
“Junhui you do not have to rush this. They’re willing to give you more time to decide.”, he takes Jun’s hand into his to calm his nerves down. Seungcheol could even feel the crescents forming on Junhui’s palm after pressing particularly hard.  
“I’m not even doing a lot right now.”, it was one of those rare moments Seungcheol could feel Junhui’s persona concretely. “It would be fun.”, Jun’s positive self never fails to amaze Seungcheol.  
“Are you sure no one’s going to take this differently? Your mom? Your-“  
“No one, I promise.”  
“Wonwoo?”  
Seungcheol always says that he doesn’t feel like he knows his younger members a lot but right now, it feels like he does.  
Junhui takes back his hand before lifting a utensil, wiping it with a tissue. “Wonwoo is a person of his own and…”, he rolls it in his palms thinking for a much better word other than, “so am I.”

 

Blood. He can hear his blood running through his head.  
His head. Feels more painful than ever.  
He knows he should not have finished that particular stage in the game he was playing last night. He should have just went to sleep and rested for the whole eight hours. But it seems like no amount of sleep could ever prepare Jeon Wonwoo to the news flashing on his phone’s screen.  
“Labelmates dating?”  
What the hell was that? It was just a lost article from an online forum somewhere, right? It must not be true because if it is, then Junhui must have told him from the start? He hasn’t though.  
The rapper blinks away the remaining sleep from his eyes, as if there is still something else to blink away when this news was worse than coffee. His eyebrows frantically scrunched while scrolling through the comments. Some were supporting the couple while other avid fans are out to debunk the said issue.  
It’s not until Jeon Wonwoo refreshed the timeline when a notification popped out on top of his screen.  
A post from the staff in their group’s forum.  
“This is Pledis Entertainment… we would like to thank Carats…” blahblahblah, too much intros where-  
“The company would like to confirm that SEVENTEEN’s JUN and PRISTIN’s RENA are dating…”  
It’s what he was expecting, right?  
He tries to pinch himself, pull his hair just to wake him up from this weird dream.  
Wonwoo feels like his heart is dropping a few feet deeper, lower than ever before. He wants to scream, be the real-life character from one of his concert stages who smashes piano out of anger or frustration. Anger? Was he really mad? But he feels far too soft, it seems like he has already submitted himself to the possibility of it happening.  
Why does he not know? How could he not have noticed?  
There should be some kind of notice to all members if the company pulls something like this. Junhui should have told him something if it was really true.  
Six forty-five flashes on his phone’s screen. They all have two hours to prepare for another day of boring rehearsals but with the news, he doubts that it would be uninteresting. What was the company planning?  
Jeon Wonwoo has a lot of questions.  
Soonyoung and Chan from the bunk bed across them were already up, both of their bed tidied up. Or maybe they did not come home again. He feels the presence of the person above his own bed. How could Junhui sleep through all this commotion?

The day has just started but it feels like the end of his world.  
Don’t be too dramatic, Wonwoo reminds himself.  
That’s something he was supposed to tell Soonyoung yet he decides to keep it all in. Maybe he can ask Jun once he wakes up? He would probably tell him.

Awkward moments have never been a thing for SEVENTEEN. Yet that one morning, as Wonwoo quietly chews his rice, he feels at least three pair of eyes looking at him. He wants to yell at them but that would mean he has to show that he was affected. By what? No one’s saying anything, yet everybody knows.  
“Hyung-“, Seungkwan directs to Junhui. Ever-lovely Seungkwan would always break the ice of course. “I am happy for you.”, he smiles softly before setting down his own bowl of rice.  
It seems like the only thing the members needed for all of their attention to be called. A soft smile draws on Junhui’s face, unfazed. “Thank you, that means a lot.”

What the fuck. So it’s real?  
Before he knew it, all of the attention were now on him.  
“Wonwoo you just dropped your food.”, Joshua carefully points out at the mess of rice on his lap. He quickly salvages the food while profusely apologizing.

The following hours were hell.  
Dance practice usually lasted for more than five hours but it seems like this day’s particularly worse compared to others. Wonwoo kept on tripping on his own feet— if that’s even possible. He misses the beats, ruining the team’s synchronization. His attention was off, entering and exiting at all the wrong times. Jeon Wonwoo has never thought that the day would come when Soonyoung would have to call him out and pull his leader card on him. The performance leader halts for a ten-minute break and calls Wonwoo outside.

“What the hell is wrong with you?”, the rapper drops his head on his knee as Soonyoung raises his voice, but not enough to be overheard by the other people casually walking by. They were at a vending machine beside the nearest bus stop. Wonwoo was sitting on the bench at the waiting area, cradling his head down in shame.  
“Why do you seem unbothered? Why is Junhui suddenly dating not a big news to all of you?!”  
“Because he’s our friend and we would accept whatever he does with all of our heart, what about you Jeon Wonwoo? What have you done for Junhui? Have you at least checked up if he’s fine? It’s not easy having to enter the company building’s private door because reporters are swarming outside the building. It’s not easy having to read the divided comments online. What have you done huh?”  
Wonwoo tries his best to hold back the tears. It’s Soonyoung, he can at least be honest with him.  
“I- I just don’t think it’s fair that he did not even tell me that.”  
“Let me say this just once Wonwoo but you’re fucking selfish.”  
Soonyoung sighs heavily, the remains of the cold season manifests in a white fog before his thin lips.  
“Junhui was just fed to the sharks and all you could ever think is how awful it is to watch him suffer from the backlash.”  
This was a situation where no parties were to be picked. Nobody’s right nor wrong. They weren’t fighting, but Wonwoo has to learn not to push away people and things that have been right in front of him for the whole time.  
“And I think it’s not fair for you to ignore him when he has always been there for you. When you’re the only one he’s got”, he puts a comforting hand over his younger friend’s back. “I know me and Jihoon have been away for a lot of leader duties so we kind of expected that you would be there for him. Except you’re not, luckily he’s got Re-“  
“Okay shut up, I don’t need to hear the rest.”  
The cars and trucks quickly zoom across the road, chasing time so they won’t get trapped in the incoming slow traffic.  
“You liked him a lot.”, Soonyoung says as a matter of fact yet Wonwoo’s eye could only twitch as he hears the truth from someone else’s lips. “I don’t know to what extent and until when. I don’t know how much and if you’re still crazy about him up until tonight… or maybe for the months and years to come. But I know that along the wa… somehow, you managed to push away Junhui.”, the younger’s heart breaks further at someone else hitting all the right buttons. “I noticed it, I watched both of you drift away and I fucking hate myself to see both of you hurting yourselves. I don’t know what else to say but please Wonwoo, show Junhui that you support him. He needs it the most right now.”  
With a half-assed nod and broken shards of his almost-forgotten affection, he tried to understand the situation.  
Junhui is still his most important person.

The days went by, more and more Dispatch previews of the couple littered online news outlets. It now makes sense, Wonwoo has been away for far too many times to even notice that Junhui went out a lot with his girlfriend. Up until today, about a month after the news got out, Wonwoo still hasn’t got the chance to talk to Junhui. If there is even anything to clear up. The pictures all say the truth Wonwoo needed to hear. Closure? Maybe, but for whom?  
Generally, the fandoms of both groups were both accepting. Of course, the negative comments would pop out here and there, but majority of the fans still expressed their support. Both groups have had their comebacks where Dispatch became even more active in posting updates about the next season’s couple.  
Couple.  
Wonwoo scoffs.  
Couple.  
He remembers Junhui laughing to himself more often now. Back then, he would hear that wonderful sound when he drops a lame pun, now, it was all because he’s got a new message or phone call. His reaction and smile were different from when he gets texts from the members and his other friends in the industry.  
It’s unfair.  
It’s unfair how he can look even happier while Wonwoo is here, waiting to feel his warmth again.  
It’s unfair of Wonwoo— he knows. He knows he’s unfair. To wish to take away the smiles Junhui have right now.

Wonwoo cannot sleep. It was one of those nights when the more rational part of his brain was no where to be found. His bed was uncomfortably messy, the creases were starting to become even more bothersome. With a crazy bedhead, he trudges outside the room, careful not to wake up their youngest who finally got the chance to rest.  
The smell of spices wafted through the air. Did somebody just cook at 12 in the morning?  
The rapper’s head peeks inside their kitchen and spots a meal on the table enough for one serving.  
“Want to eat?”, Wonwoo’s heart almost dropped when he heard that familiar voice, he missed him so much.  
He turns around like a child caught peeking into his Christmas presents, “Whose food is this?”, Wonwoo takes a closer look and reads a post-it on top of the lid of the Tupperware which seems to contain ramyeon. On it, a squiggly 비니 was obviously written by Junhui. “Beanie? Is this mine?”, he smiles appreciatively at the thought that Jun still remembers his old 17tv nickname. Mr. Blue Earmuffs would call him Beanie even during off-cam because Mr. Blue Earmuffs’ tongue tends to slip even during livestreams.  
Good times.  
“Ah- wait.”, the dancer bashfully scratches his nape, while plucking out the post-it. “This is so embarrassing, I forgot to remove that. It’s for Binnie- Yebinnie.”  
Oh.  
Wonwoo’s heart fell in embarrassment.  
“Actually I just surprised Yebin because she called me and told me she’s hungry. I didn’t realize that I made a lot but hey! She already ate too much, she has a great appetite.”  
Wonwoo stares and stares and watches as Junhui rambles on about his girlfriend. When was the last time he ever saw Jun genuinely smile like this?  
“I can’t believe they’re making her starve. Not on my watch!”, Jun giggles while all Wonwoo could hear was how wrong he was for thinking it was Beanie.  
“You can still eat it though, you’re not too sensitive when it comes to food, right?”  
Now the pain Wonwoo was feeling has escalated from his stomach, to his chest. He wants to throw up in humiliation for assuming that maybe- just maybe, Junhui and him were back to the times when he would cook him food in the middle of the night just because he was still up.  
What used to comfort him in the middle of sleepless nights has now made him want to hate every shell of his being.

The gnawing feeling was still there. It never left him. He walks all by himself towards their company building because of their scheduled lyric-writing meeting as a unit.  
It never left him.  
He thinks as he reminds himself of the last time Junhui clung to him instead of staring at his phone for days on end. Back then, he would just randomly lean on the rapper’s shoulder while munching on a snack he picked up at the convenience store. Now, Junhui leans back on the wall while laughing at the messages he was receiving. He was not the type of person who texts a lot, Wonwoo notes. But now, he watches from the other side of the practice room as Junhui quickly taps a reply to whomever it was.  
The gnawing feeling never left him. Wonwoo thinks as- for the first time, he watches the scene before his two eyes. There they were, laughing while conversing about whatever they both find funny. Their fingers were tangled with each other’s and all that Wonwoo could think was how much he missed to fill the spaces in between Jun’s fingers.  
Jeon Wonwoo clearly remembers when he was the only one Jun has, because he’s the only one who could find him. Junhui has the tendency to hide, unfortunately, Wonwoo is a great seeker. Despite having lots of members, the Chinese member was still able to conceal himself in one of the bathrooms far from the dance area.  
That was the night Junhui felt so alone when he realized that he was the only Chinese member left. His friends have already left him in exchange of a life outside the company. No more trace of familiarity. Jun has always been sweet yet timid, keeping to himself at all times because he does not want everybody to worry. But Wonwoo found him inside that one stall, crying all by himself. Lost and half-empty.  
Wonwoo promised to himself to never leave Junhui  
They fit perfectly like a key and a lock, specially made for each other. But somehow rust overcame the both of them until Wonwoo cannot unlock Junhui anymore.

Wonwoo came from the opposite direction of the company building as he watches Jun open the main door, like a gentleman, for his girlfriend. Yebin has her arm wrapped around Junhui’s own.  
“Oh, Wonwoo! Are you here to practice too?”, Junhui and Wonwoo stayed civil despite everything. Although it put a damper on their relationship. It was awkward, lest to say. Nothing got cleared between the two of them. Wonwoo stayed the coward that he is and just watched the whole thing unfold before him. Not like he can stop it from happening anyway.  
“Wonwoo?”, the couple stares back at him as he seem to have been lost in his reverie.  
Wonwoo starts walking towards the building again, putting a stiff smile on his face, “Sorry, I was just trying to remember what Soonyoung told me before. I’m here for a team meeting.”  
“Is that so?”  
Wonwoo looks at the beautiful girl smiling before him, comfortably holding onto Junhui. He looks at the opened door that Junhui held open for him.  
“Then have you remembered what Soonyoung told you?”  
Yeah.  
I like you.  
A lot.  
“Nothing, ah- I was heading back to the dorms I just passed by to check something.”, he walked off before Junhui could even notice how much his hand was shaking from anger.

“Jeon Wonwoo where are you?!”, Seungcheol’s voice blares through his phone’s speakers, “We’re supposed to start fifteen minutes ago!”  
“I’m-“, he kicks a stone as he walks aimlessly along the sidewalk. “Nowhere.” He’s been going to nowhere for the past fifteen minutes too.  
“What- Where are you? I’m picking you up.”, he hears a couple of rustles in the other line. Wonwoo overhears Hansol asking about why their leader was rushing.  
“Don’t look for me.”  
“Wonwoo.”, he sounds awfully ominous. A tone Seungcheol only uses for certain situations, “Jeon Wonwoo please,” and there it is. The break in his leader’s voice, “Please don’t hurt yourself, we’re picking you up.”

The general leader did not drop the phone until he found Wonwoo— slumped on the road beside a line of closed establishments. Seungcheol immediately inspected Wonwoo’s body. Aside from the far-off expression and stunned silence, Wonwoo was fine.  
Seungcheol sits beside Wonwoo and holds his arm just in case he suddenly takes off. Mingyu and Wonwoo stands awkwardly behind them just watching and listening. “Won-“  
“Before you yell at me, I want you to know that Soonyoung already beat you to it.”, there was no bite in the younger rapper’s tone which was strangely unusual. He felt so detached and tired although their routines were the same as before.  
“What should I do? I want to listen to you, what’s wrong Wonwoo?”

An ocean, a month, an opened door that he cannot walk through were all what it took for Jeon Wonwoo to finally break.  
“Maybe it’s me”, his whole body shakes while laughing laughing ironically. “It’s me, I know it’s me.”  
“Every morning Junhui wakes me up with a smile better than any coffee I used to take. That was before, now- I wake up to his laugh in the middle of the night while he calls Bini.”, he chokes. “Bini. It’s fucking embarrassing I thought one time he cooked for me but apparently it was for his girlfriend.” He chokes through the tears, Seungcheol holds him closer while Mingyu and Vernon huddles up behind him. “Why did I not know from the start? Does he not trust me enough? Or maybe- I just wasn’t enough?”  
“You’re more than enough, Wonwoo. Don’t let anyone else make you feel like you’re any lesser.”, the leader grits his teeth, as much as possible, Seungcheol does not want to lie. Only him and the other leaders know the truth. Knowing how their whole team work, it would not be believable enough if everybody knows about the secret arrangement especially that lots of them are venturing into variety shows. If one member runs their mouth way before their brain could process their thoughts, it would be really problematic.  
The company is afraid that the issue might not garner enough attention, making Jun and Rena’s efforts go to waste. Luckily, the group took it positively and the couple was stirring enough commotion which was greatly beneficial for both groups. 

 

“If you dare hurt Junhui again, I’m going to fuck you up.”  
Wonwoo stops on his tracks after hearing the seething anger coming out of Minghao’s lips.  
“I did not do anything.”  
“Oh, you are. You still are.”  
Wonwoo knows. But he pretends not to. He has seen Junhui slowly detach himself from him. At first, it was comforting. He felt free when he felt that Junhui started tagging along with the others more. He does not have to worry anymore about his feelings that existed for the wrong person at the wrong time.  
Oh, but it did hurt. A lot. To see Junhui drifting away even if he can reach out and pull him back to bay.  
“I don’t know what you’re talking about, Minghao.”, they were the only ones left to clean up the studio and he was about to leave to go back to the dorms, but his arm was harshly pulled back.  
“Look, I respect you a lot but I have seen Jun go through a lot just because of whatever psychotic thing you did to him.”  
“I said I-“  
“No, you listen to me.”, his tone was firm and strong. Minghao only fought a lot with Mingyu but even then, it was done in pure jest. “I don’t know if he and Rena are real-“  
Wonwoo scoffs, “Then what the fuck is the point of all of this if even you,” he jabs a pointed finger onto the younger’s chest, “Do not even know they’re real?!”  
“It does not fucking matter Wonwoo! What I know is that Junhui is happier now than when he was with you! Real or not, he’s obviously enjoying her company right now and I am not letting you break them when it was you in the first place who broke Jun!”  
It hurt.  
It hurt because he knows that what Minghao said was true. He chose to stay away first. He thought it was wrong to be with Jun when they’ve always had the time of their lives whenever they’re together. It was pure bliss, one that he broke for his own sake.  
His legs slowly gave up, his soul drying at the thought of how he defeated himself in this stupid game he set-up for himself.  
It seemed like Minghao sobered up from what he just did and quickly hoisted him up.  
“Wonwoo you can’t always act like a victim when you’re the one who started this.”, the older was at a loss. Does he start over? But how? “Please don’t do this, you’re hurting yourself too. Let Junhui go.”, Myungho pleads with sad, sad eyes. They have never talked as intimately like this, they have only addressed each other as friends. “I know you’ve seen how Junhui stopped faking his smiles when all this strange charade happened but- he’s obviously better now, Wonwoo.”  
Better now, without you. Wonwoo completes his thoughts.

It was yet another exhausting day for fansigns. Today, SEVENTEEN is seated by their units. Wonwoo keep on taking glances at the boy sitting by the sidelines, happily signing a Carat’s album.  
“Wonwoo?”, the Carat before the idol calls him to which he responds with a bright smile, the cat ears on his head haphazardly swinging. “What do you think of Junhui?”  
Ah, it must be one of those couple questions again. The rapper takes a look at the post-it and reads the question carefully. He sighs for a bit before writing an answer.  
“I think he’s adorable you know, like a kid?”  
“Then which of the two of you are more handsome?”  
Wonwoo wistfully looks at Junhui again who was laughing his heart out at the sight of an adorable cat plushie, “We have different charms, you know? He’s that sweet and kind soul while… I’m on the more serious side.”  
His eyes are the most beautiful when looks at the things he loves. The crinkles around them always tell if he’s really enjoying or not. His lips always give away his feelings, downturned or flat when sad, upwards when he’s excited. His cheeks become fuller and redder when he laughs too much, which is almost always. Most of the time he finds something fun. His hands cling on to the closest person or object to slap it because he just can’t control the happiness he has within, he has to share it with everybody around him.  
Junhui has so much to give, but Wonwoo cannot afford to be selfish anymore.

“Me + Jun = 100%”  
Well, maybe just this once. It’s not like anybody would know.

 

The Chinese member perks at the sight of the post-it on the album.  
Another couple question.  
“I know you already have Yebin, but I’m just really curious.”, the Carat bashfully confesses in their local language.  
“Ah, it’s okay. Then maybe…”, he starts to scribble on the page.

Up until today, it’s all just a show. But Yebin has been a really good friend. She started becoming his support, readily listening to him no matter what he says. That- that is more than enough for Junhui.

“I like Wonwoo so much.”  
Or maybe it wasn’t, maybe it will never be more than enough.

**Author's Note:**

> this was sort of a character study i guess....... long story short, i just wanted junhui to be happy with someone who would truly appreciate him hehehehehe
> 
> anyway!


End file.
